birthday in-betweens

Apparently I’ve turned into a bit of a blog slacker. I can’t believe it’s been a week since I posted actually. Work has been pretty busy for me, and I’ve been working a fair amount at Qdoba as well, so time has been flying. But being that today is my birthday, an uneventful 28th, I guess it’s time for a little reflection.

I was thinking how much of an in-between time this is in my life. I have a newish job but still not really a career, which is okay, but it seems a bit temporary. (Temporary in the “a few years” sense, for my boss who might be reading). I’m married, but I still feel almost as independent as I did when I was single. We think and discuss kids in general, but it still seems a bit abstract and far off. I have single friends, dating friends, engaged friends, married friends, and most recently, friends with children.

Mostly, everything has been blurred by immigration. If we are denied his permanent residency, and go through the channels to appeal and are still denied, I’m at peace with moving to Mexico. In a way, it’s exciting, to live abroad again. For anyone who has read some of my recent posts, you might sense my frustration about the U.S. and my desire to be a foreigner again.

The hardest thing about moving would be leaving friends and family, but my support system there would be great as well. Sometimes I just want a simpler life. I imagine walking to work, dressing down, and make lattes for tourists and Mexicans, or teaching English to obedient Mexican youth in a small town, spending my my free time writing something good. It sounds like a simple, unassuming life. It might be fraught with financial insecurities, but it would also be void of pretention and materialism and what for me is the ever more depressing state of U.S. culture.

So much to consider when making big, life-altering decisions, it’s almost welcome when they are made for you. Not that I wish for denial, but I’ve done a 180 since last fall, when I imagined the prospect of living and raising a potential future family in Mexico as something a bit terrifying. And it’s only right that we be realistic, as there are many things that have to go in our favor to get an approval and only one of several would have to go wrong to trigger a denial.

And that’s living in the in-between, not knowing what is next, imagining it, dreaming about it even, with little certainty, only some possibilities.

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2 Responses to birthday in-betweens

  1. jennie says:

    Happy belated birthday! You share a birthday with my friend Sarah, and before J and I were married, January 11 was our anniversary. 🙂

    I don’t comment on here a lot because your writing is so profound that it usually leaves me speechless. I just hope you keep writing and know that you have a great impact on me even if I don’t comment.

  2. laurafern says:

    wow, that’s probably the best blog compliment ever. If anything is certain, I will never stop writing… thanks so much!

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