Last night, as was typical this past week, I tossed and turned and had trouble sleeping. I’ve been off between work and law school, and immediately reverted to my night owl ways, sleeping in and staying up later than normal. Except I tried to go to sleep with my husband and just lay there, thinking and stewing.
Most of my stress is financial right now. I’m just trying to make the $7700 I have to live off for the next four month sound like enough. Not just for basic needs and paying off some bills, but also in the case of some emergency. There’s basically no way for that to compute so I have to have faith that there isn’t going to be a broken boiler part or a medical problem or a necessary car repair. Those things are not typical in my life, we are blessed to be healthy and live in a sturdy, low-maintenance house, but it’s still scary for me to not have income. As much as I’ve tried to prepare myself to be thrifty, and I’ve made some positive changes, I’ve still arrived here, days from the start of classes, freaking out about money.
And husband-person is stressed too. He makes just enough to barely cover our home bills with the rent that comes in from the relatives who live in our house.
What I really need – actually – is to find joy in thrift. I know that I can do it, but I need to enjoy it. I need to not want to go buy new outfits when I get busy with classes. I need to stop the wasteful coffee habits. I need to not commit to dinners out that I can’t afford.
Ahh… such is life.
It helps to write this all down. I’m off to school-town now.